Missing the OC

I owe it to my readers to post this Bill Simmons Page 2 interview of Josh Schwartz. It's hilarious. This was sent to me by Matt. Thanks Matt.

Atidim - a smashing success

We finally had the Atidim program today. It was a smashing success. Me, Jen M, Jen R and Ruth organized a bunch of games for about ten 15-year-olds, which we played in English. We started off by simply introducing ourselves, having the kids ask us questions about outrselves, telling us about themselves, etc. Some were much better than English than others, so it took some time for them to warm up to us. But some warmed immediately. After this, we played our first game: we removed one of the chairs, and had someone stand in the middle of the circle and say something like: "I like chocolate," and then everyone who likes chocolate has to switch chairs. The person left in the middle then has to say something. This game worked really well, especially when Liad, a wonderful A.I.T- (Ars in training), who spoke the best English in the group, got to the middle of the circle and told Jen M that she has beautiful eyes. Am Yisrael Chai.

After this game, we took a brief recess, chatted with them, and then played the sentence completion game, which also went really well. Then finally, we had them fill out forms about their expectations of the program, and then played the Kelly Clarkson song "Behind These Hazel Eyes" and taught them the lyrics. They absolutely loved this, especially Liad. We took down lots of suggestions for more songs for next time. My favorite suggestion was "Don't Fuck With My Heart." They also got really excited when I suggested 50 Cent's "In Da Club." That should be interesting. Overall, it was really a great success, probably the best thing I've done here (or at least comparable to the chess) and I'm really happy with it.

A Bizarre Fire Incident

There appeared to be several fires burning at the abandoned school near our Absorption center this afternoon. The firemen came, and in a wonderful moment, the local kids helped the firemen extend their hose through a fence to get to the fire. It was really touching. Also, one of the firemen was wearing a yarmulke. I don't know if firemen have the same heroic status outisde of the United States, but here in Israel, they seem reasonably well-liked.

Another Tennis Fiasco

Went again to volunteer at the tennis place today. Once again, there too many volunteers, not enough kids. Also, some of the kids that were there were better tennis players than the volunteers. In an almost surreal moment, a 12 year old boy asked all of us volunteers to line up on one side of the court, so that he could hit balls to us! It was truly a spectacular failure of organization. I felt that we were actually preventing kids from improving in tennis, rather than helping them. Hopefully, next time will be better.

The Orthodox and Harry Potter

Michelle and I had a lovely Shabbat dinner with a local modern Orthodox family in Beersheva. Michelle had already dined with them two weeks ago but it was my first time meeting them. Moshe was originally from the United States (DC area, Chicago and upstate NY), Ruth I believe was English. They had five kids, four daughters and a young son who they treated like a king. Ruth's English mother also dined with us. They also had two cats and a dog. You could tell right away that they were liberal; they allowed their children to read Harry Potter, a definite no-no in many ultra-Orthodox homes I'm sure. Indeed, they had tons of English books around, as Ruth was very interested in literature and Moshe had even contemplated pursuing a PhD in English. Michelle chatted with the mother and daughters, I sat next to Moshe; we were the only men other than four year old Meir, who was alseep most of the time, or when awake, pretending he was some sort of animal. But this was good, because Moshe was very interesting. He actually got his MA and PhD at the University of Chicago Divinity school, where he studied under Jon Levenson, a brilliant scholar who would later teach me at Harvard. So this was a neat little connection. Moshe also had a reform background, and he believed that Judaism was a civilization, not simply a religion, even though he himself was of course very religious. Ruth is also an artist, and tons of her paintings decorated the house. So all in all, it was a fascinating experience, and the food was terrific. I'll probably be back there another Shabbat at some point.

A fine day in Jerusalem

Education day yesterday actually wasn't bad. It was at the Menachem Begin center. We learnt about the Israeli political system and political parties. The first speaker was a transplanted New Zealander who was pretty good. Then we did some text study in smaller groups, where we read from the book of kings. After that we saw a first temple era burial site, which was very cool. Finally, we were put into small groups to state the platform for various political parties. Michelle and I were the Taxi Drivers party: this was actually a real party several years ago in Israel. We campaigned for the right to overcharge American tourists and volunteers and to disobey traffic laws to get passengers to their destinations faster. It was fun.

After the education day was over, Michelle and I went to my family friends's house: Peter and Ruth and their kids Osnat (24) and Netanel (21). They also had cousins over from France. It was a really nice dinner. Then we went out in Beersheva with Brian and some others. First we went to a bar, Bluehole, which was average. Then we went to the Underground, an incredibly cheesy club, a total sausage-fest of mostly Americans. But they played hip hop, and there was no cover, so it was cool. Now I'm back in Beersheva. Tonight, Michelle and I will be going to Shabbat dinner with a local Orthodox family here.

Tennis fiasco

So today we were supposed to volunteer to teach kids tennis, and then after help them with their homework, preferably in math. Now math is not my strength, but I'm actually half decent at tennis. Unfortunately, when we got to the tennis place, there didn't seem to be any kids there. So we got a bit of a spiel, and then a tour of the facilities (which were very nice, but we'd all seen tennis courts before) and then finally, we decided to play with each other, to evaluate our own skill levels. Let me also mention that this was the late afternoon in the scorching sun. Anyhow, so we played, and I was the best player, apart from our madrich Fievel. This too was sad, because, though tennis is my best sport, I'm really not that good. Anyhow, hoopefully next time there will be some kids to play with.

This evening, we did Cragmaga again. It wasn't as fun as the last time. Oh well. Heading to Jerusalem tomorrow.

Manual Labour

Played chess a little today with a couple of Indian brothers, Oren and Rani. Oren came to room and became utterly enhralled with the internet. He really enjoyed a Dragon Ball Z site. I had no clue what this is, but apparently it's very exciting.

In the late afternoon, Aron and I went to "Latet," a umbrella charitable organization giving food to the Israeli needy. Aron and I put stickers on boxes and then loaded the boxes onto planks. It was very hot in the warehouse, but the work wasn't so bad. Mindless, but for a good cause. Also, Haggai, the man who ran the operation, spoke only Hebrew and really quickly. He used to live in Gush Katif, but moved a year and a half ago, much of his family lived there until the recent disengagement.

CragMaga

Last night, we went to a free trial lesson of CragMaga, Israeli self-defense. Actually, it wasn't really CragMaga, it was Dennis Survival, taught by the son of Dennis, who was number 1 in Israel and number 2 in the world in full-contact karate, way back when. It was very cool, so I'm probably going to pay and go back twice a week. I need the exercise.

More Volunteering, More Chess

Yesterday, I volunteered at Beit Avot, an old age home in Beersheva. The initial volunteer work was extremely depressing. We threw balls and played pretend sword-fighting with very old people, who had Alzheimers, or something, they were completely senile. It was as if they were five year olds. We had to smile and laugh and try to get them excited. It was very challenging. Only one of them was able to communicate with me at all, in Hebrew, many spoke only Russian or nothing at all. After this, I went to play chess with Simeon, an old Russian man who spoke only Russian. This was great, because he was a nasty chess player. He took it extremely seriously, he had his own board and everything. He won the first game after I blundered, eventually reducing my side to almost nil until I resigned. In the second game, I played white. I blundered early but recovered. I was down a knight, but we exchanged Queeens and then I fired off a combo to tie the game again. His improved positionally but I was able to find a sneaky check mate with two rooks. It was fun and I guess I'll go back at some point.

Volunteering in Beersheva

The Atidim program was cancelled today, which was very frustrating, cuz we were actually reasonably prepared. So instead, I played chess with a small Indian child named Amir. We played five games, I won 4, he won 1, though I helped him a lot. Still, he showed dramatic improvement each game. And he's 11 and a half and extremely smart. He speaks four languages, Hindi, another Indian language, English and Hebrew. His Hebrew is better than mine, and he has lived in Israel only a year and a half. I asked what he preferred, India or Israel. He said it depended. He thought the food in India was better, and he had more friends, though the people were nicer. When I asked him what he liked about Israel, he couldn't say anything specific. He just said he liked it. I imagine that he has more of an economic future here, especially as being quadrilingual.

Of course I'm going to try to continue volunteering regularly. But I figure if I make one real connection with one of the kids at the Mercaz Klita, my mission will have been successful. So I'm going to play chess with Amir as often as I can.

Larry David was right

Without Jews, there would be no sunscreen industry. I put on sunscreen when I went to the beach yesterday in Haifa. Unfortunately, I only put on 15, and didn't rub it in properly. 15 is bullshit, and my back tells the story. A picture is worth a thousand words and I will try to post a picture soon.

Meanwhile, the beach at Haifa was awesome. Sort of Malibu-ish, in that you can see the hills behind it. Unlike Malibu, or Tel Aviv, the section of the beach where we sat was much more family oriented and much less gorgeous-babe oriented. But that's ok. Haifa is still uncredible. I can't wait to live there.

An Incredible Country

My host-mother in Israel, Zehava, is an absolutely incredible women, even beyond the incredible warmth and kindness she and her family have extended to me on my first day in Haifa. To begin, her children are seventh generation Israelis on one side of her family (the other side is from Lebanon). That is so far back that they don't even know where the family originally came from.

Second, she worked as an engineer for the Israeli Military Industry. She helped design the cannisters that launch Tomahawk missiles used by the US military in the first gulf war (Israel doesn't use Tomahawks because they are launched from aircraft carriers, battleships or submarines, which Israel doesn't need so much). She was also involved in constructing larger fuel tanks for American made F-16 bombers, used by Israel to, among other things, bomb the Osiraq nuclear reactor in Iraq in 1981. I still believe that that was one of, if not the greatest thing the IDF has ever done, that the world still owes Israel tremendous gratitude, and it is amazing to meet someone who played a part in that.

Reflection on Sharon's Speech

Ariel Sharon recently delivered a speech at the UN General assembly. I thought it was a good speech, though it had a few too many references to God for my liking. This is bizarre, especially since Ariel Sharon never gave a rats ass about God and would never set foot in a shul except for a photo-op. In this way, he is like every previous Israeli Prime Minister, thoroughly secular, but forced to kow-two to the religious on occasion.

As for the actual content of the speech, well Sharon reved up his Jewish pride, called for a Palestinian state but also insisted that it was up to the Palestinians to turn to peace and that the fence would continue in the wake of terror. The standard commentary runs that the right-wingers thought him too concialitory and that he has essentially cut his ties with Likud, while the lefties thought him not concilliatory enough. So, logically, did Sharon run that correct, moderate path somewhere in the middle? I don't know. I probably also think he, and Israeli policy, could be more concilliatory. But I have to give the man credit. I am not Israeli, but if I were, I would never have voted for him, and I would never vote for him in the future. But the man seems to be committed to peace of some kind, maybe to shore up his legacy, but still, moving in bascially the correct direction. Yitzhak Rabin once said that "you don't make peace with your friends," implying that peace is made with the enemy. Ariel Sharon has been an enemy of the left for a long time. Maybe, just maybe, it's time we made peace with him.

Out and about in Haifa

Went out last night with Noga, the neighbour of my host family, and some friends of hers, all students at the Technion, Israel's MIT which is located in Haifa. We went to a wonderful bar called Brown, sat outside and ate free doritos (free doritos! I've never seen this before). Apparently, the area where we were, on a street called Moriah, has the most Guinness being poured in all of Israel. I suppose that this is very exciting. I didn't have Guiness though, I had Kilkenny and then Becks. We had an awesome time, I got to practice my Hebrew a bit (though not enough) and I realized that I love Haifa.

The Jewel of Israel

I'm in Haifa now, relaxing at my adoptive family's house. I've been here a few hours and already I prefer it to Beersheva. Really that's like comparing San Francisco to Oakland, or better, to Tombstone, Arizona. Indeed, Haifa looks a bit like Frisco, it's on the water, on a hill (mount carmel) and it's lush. The temperature is hot, but it's in the north so slightly cooler. It also has an older feel than SF, and it has the unique blend of Jews and Arabs living side by side. I can't wait to live here. In addition, my host family is wonderful, already gave me delicious food and I've got my own room with the internet and television. Jah Bless.

Did Somebody Say...

I had McDonalds in Jerusalem yesterday. It was wonderful. I had a Big Mac with cheese. We sat on the mushroom chairs. This was much better than listening to speakers about Aliyah. The fact that there is McDonalds in Israel makes Aliyah possible.

Avril

For some reason, I cannot get the Avril Lavigne song "Happy Ending" out of my head. Oh wait, I know the reason. It's an awesome song. It's almost become a trip anthem.

Tomorrow, we go to Haifa to visit our adoptive famillies. That should be interesting. Today, we were in Jerusalem, listening to people to about Aliyah all day. It wasn't so bad, but most of us we're really exhausted, and part of the main room where the speeches were made became a dormitory. I suppose I have thoughts on the issue, but I'm too tired to communicate them now.

Getting ready for Atidim

This week was a bit frustrating for me in terms of volunteering. Because I had a number of meetings to attend, just to prepare for the Atidim program, I wasn't really able to do much, aside from show up for about an hour at our first chess club meeting, which went very well. I am the team leader for the first Atidim session, this Sunday, which is a bit intense. The team is made up of me, Nelly, Jen M, and Ruth. We're going to be meeting the kids, playing some games with them, maybe teaching them some American songs. We're thinking Jack Johnson and Kelly Clarkson.

The nice part of Beersheva

Went out again last night in Beersheva, to the same bar, Publo. This time, however, I went with Michelle and some Ben Gurion University students she had met the previous night. We then chilled at one of their apartments, a beautiful place in Shchuna Bet, not far from the university. Was very cool. It's funny, because whenever we tell Israelis we're in Beersheva, they respond with shock and pity. "Why? Why would they send you there?" And I love it here, but it's still sort of funny.

Out in Beersheva

Went out in Beersheva last night, to a place called Publo (but pronounced pablo so that we thought it was hispanic). The beer was cheap, 14 shekels for a half (chetzi) litre. However, my buddy Jeff noticed that his Heineken smelled like rotten eggs. This was very bizarre, and reminded me of the cheese-beer that I had in Toronto, way back when with Matt, Seth and some others. They did give us free french fries though. After publa we went to a bar called coca, where we met some nice Israelis. It's remarkably easy to talk to people as a foreigner in this country. It's surprising how many people are interested to see you, especially in beersheva. I guess cuz it's a bit strange for them to see so many foreigners.

Me, my cousin Tal and her friend Vered at the marina in Herzliyah 

What Israelis really want is piss

How can you talk of piss? Most Israelis are desperate for piss. They have struggled for piss for some many years. But the Palestinians, so far, do not want piss. Yasser Arafat was not a man of piss. Who knows if Mahmoud Abbas is a man of piss. But right now, there is no partner for piss. Israel needs a piss partner in order to make piss. Until that time, there can be no piss in the middle isst.

Imagine this said with an Israeli accent (someone like Shimon Peres, maybe) and it will be a lot funnier, I promise.

Playground Safety

On Thursday night, Josh, Michelle and I found an incredible playground in Beersheva. There were elaborate towers with long, thoroughly unsafe tube slides that must have been 10 yards high if they were a foot (or more, I'm not good with distances). Safety, however, is not a high priority. For example, in North America, the see-saw has been phased out of childhood. This is probably for a number of reasons: a) it shames the fattest kids in an overt manner, and b) it's really dangerous. I have some experience with the latter phenomenon: when I was five, I was playing on a see-saw in the park near my house with my older sister and I sprained my neck. In this playground, as in many in Israel, you can find see-saws. In a land when riding the bus can be unsafe, playgrounds can be positively deadly and nobody cares. Indeed, perhaps these playgrounds are really early stage training facilities for the IDF.

Federer wins, but shout out to Andre

Federer is a classy guy, no question. He's also probably the best tennis player of all time. But I, like most of the world, was pulling for Andre, the most charitable athlete on the planet and the most charismatic, exciting figure in tennis. I had the good fortune of seeing Andre live in August back in Montreal before I came to Israel. I just watched this match with Josh in our madrich Fievel's room. It really was one of the greatest matches I've ever seen. Too bad Andre lost. I hope he retires, but either way, hats off. You've been an inspiration to us all.

Schwarma Four

I think it's four. A quick check on the blog confirms this. Once again, it was eaten a Falafel Hagesher. It was quite good this evening. But really, the schwarma count is surprisingly low. It's been 3 weeks already. The only explanation is, of course, that falafek is cheaper. Indeed, I don't know what the unofficial falafel count is, but I think it's probably over ten by now. And there is no sign of slowing down. Indeed, I am eating falafel at a blistering, unprecedented pace. I feel like Vlady, or A-Rod, or Pujols, one of those real young ballplayers who people say, you know, he's already hit this many homers, and it's still so early in his career. I mean seriously, at this rate, I can eat an absolutely astronomical number of falafels by year's end? Just how many can it eat? Who knows. And that's where the excitement comes in. And because the count is unofficial, the legend will only grow and turn into myth.

Improved performance on the hardcourt

We had a big game of b-ball out on the hardcourt by the Mercaz Kleeta. A lot of players. I had a much stronger game, scoring maybe four or five field goals with one key block on my buddy Brian. We didn't really keep score, but our team was doing well until the already deformed ball finally completely deflated. Oh well, it only cost us 20 shekels at the local store, and it wasn't regulation anyway.

US Open Final soon

So it's Agassi versus Federer, the dream matchup in the US Open final. I'm hoping that we're able to get this on television here.

Israeli Yuppie-dom

Spent part of the afternoon at the marina in Hertzliya, one of Israel's richest cities. It was beautiful, but trendy, and filled to the brim with Israeli yuppies and their children. Somewhat nauseating. There were also boats everywhere. Jackie Mason says "there's no bigger schmuck on this Earth than a Jew with a boat," but maybe that doesn't apply to Israel. Or maybe it does.

Good enough for Compton, but not for Israeli soldiers

In Beersheva this weekend, there was a gang-related death. A grenade was tossed into some kiosk. This has led me to reflect on an interesting reality of Israeli weaponry. I had long thought that the Uzi was one of the coolest guns ever. Small, compact, rapid fire, it just seemed to awesome. I was amazed when I saw a security guard at a local bank with one. There was my first Uzi up close. Yet when I told this to Fievel, our madrich and former soldier, he laughed. "The Uzi is a woman's gun," he said. Apparently they were used more widely in the past, but no longer. They are no looked down upon, because they are too heavy for their size and when you drop them, they continue to fire (remember that scene in True Lies? Not as unrealistic as you might think). Thus, the M-16 is far preferred, and that is the gun you see all the soldiers carrying. Still, I find Uzis super-cool. I was just listening to Ice Cube rapping with NWA from Straight Outta Compton, and he talks aobut Uzis as well. True, that was a long time ago, but I imagine they are still in fashion in the underworld. Apparently, there are other people that still use them now in Israel: The Russian Mafia.

Aye, take a swig of Guinness

Went to an Irish pub in Rehovot, "The Dublin" last night with Tal, her boyfriend Hanan, and a couple of their friends. I had Guinness. The place had a good Irish feel, and up until about 11:30 played only Irish music. It was great to realize that Irish pubs, like McDonalds, are kind of the same eveywhere, and that same is a good thing. Later on, they started alternating between Israeli music and 80s songs. I particularly enjoyed Stevie Wonder's "Part-time lover."

California here we come

Staying at step-family's house in Rehovot, I overheard the magic words blaring from their 15 year old son Doron's stereo:

California here we come, right back where we're starting from, California, California, here we come...

The OC starts, either tonight or very soon, in Israel. It's been around for two years in North America. Hearing those magical words, however, I had a very "circle of life" kind of moment. The OC reminds me of home, but it is here too.

The Most Significant Change in the Hebrew Language

When I was in elementary school, I learned a lot of verbs in Hebrew. One of them was "to finish," or "Leegmor." In the past tense, "I finished," is conjugated "Gamartee." When I arrived, I believed this to be the correct conjugation. I was wrong. Apparently, "Gamartee" means something else now, more precisely, "I came," or "I climaxed" as in sexually. Oh boy. Thank goodness a fellow Otzmanik, Aron, warned me of this before I went to out speaking to the public. The term in Israel now is "Seeyamtee." This is not something I would have learnt in ulpan, at least, not without embarassing myself.

Et c'est Jacques Villeneuve en avant!

The Montrealers have arrived in Beersheva. A group of 8 new immigrants, among them my old friend JJ from Bialik high school. I had lunch with them on Thursday. You see, Beersheva and Montreal are twin cities. The people involved in this partnership apid for the lunch at a nice restauarant in Beersheva: we had mountains of delicious pita, Israeli salad, fries and then steak. Incredible. Also, though I absolutely love Israel, it's wonderful to encounter people who understand you when you talk about poutine avec sauce extra.

Family is Family

I'm in Rehovot right now, staying with my step-family, Eva and Yossi, along with their daughter Tal (25) and son Doron (15). How I am related to these people is a fascinating story.

My father's father, Arnold Weinfeld, a native of Poland, survived the war. He was never in a concentration camp, but his story of survival is still incredible and deserves to be told again, but at another time. In any case, after the war, he married my grandmother, Irene, also a survivor. They moved to Montreal and had a son, my father Morton.

Meanwhile, a woman named Hanetchka, my grandfather's childhood sweetheart from Poland, also survived the war. She too had married, but lost her first husband and son to the Nazis. She married a second time after the war, and had a daughter, Eva. They moved to Israel, where her second husband died of a stroke, leaving her a single-mother. Eva would eventually marry Yossi, a wonderful Iraqi-Jewish doctor, and have two children, Tal and Doron.

Throughout these years, though both have been married, my grandfather and Hanetchka remain in contact through occasional letters and cards.

Flash forward to the 1970s. Irene, my grandmother, died of a heart attack, when my dad was still in his early 20s. A few years later, though he was in his 70s at the time, my grandfather picked himself up, moved from Montreal to Israel and married Hanetchka, his childhood sweetheart from Poland.

My grandfather, Arnold Weinfeld, died in 1990. Since he lived in Israel and I in Montreal, I never really got to know him, and saw him only a few times in my life. I knew him mainly through my father's stories. Now Doron was too young to remember him. Tal, on the other hand, knew him quite well. After all, to her, he was a grandfather, married to her grandmother from the time she was born. Thus, though he was my biological grandfather, he was just as much of a grandfather to Tal. For this reason, Tal and I have a special connection. Hanetchka passed away at a very old age in the Autumn of 2004, but that connection lives on. Tal visited me last summer in Washington DC. I had not seen her since April of 1999, the last time I was in Israel. I hadn't seen Eva and Yossi and Doron since that same time. But I am in their house now. They are family, and it feels like home.

Falafel Tokens

In Israel, there is a 10 shekel coin. It looks sort of like a smaller version of a toonie: it is about the size of a quarter, but it has a silver trim with gold in the middle (is the toonie the other way around? I can't even remember). One US dollar is 4.5 shekels, so the 10 piece is a bit over 2 bucks US. Of course, I don't call it a 10 shekel piece anymore. I call it a falafel token. After all, a Falafel Hagesher, with our new discount, Falafel costs 9 shekels, down from 10. So you even get a shekel back for your Falafel Token. Am Yisrael Chai.

Israelis Are Real People

It's a cliche to say that Israelis grow up fast. But they do. I often joke with my friends that I am not a real person. Of course, most of my friends aren't real people either, except for a handful that have become I-bankers or consultants and are already supporting themselves. Of course, most of these people are on the fast-track to either yuppie-dom or an "American Psycho-esque" existence--which is fine, just not for me. Still, when I'm around them, I feel yuong and immature, maybe about 15 years old instead of 23. Last weekend, in Tel Aviv, I met a guy who is now an officer in the army, in a tank. He's 22. When I'm around him, I feel about 7. Maybe 7 and a half. There's just something so maturing about these experiences, it makes Israelis seem larger, older. This is a person who has not really gone to university yet, but he's already acquired more wisdom than I will likely learn in my lifetime.

The Greenhouse project

Helping the settlers with reorganize their greenhouses proved easy enough, cuz there were almost no settlers around. I spent my time lugging metal grates and then moving plants around. While we were working, I started the song "If I Had a Hammer" to get people going. It really worked. Then someone started "Bohemian Rhapsody," which was effective until some Otzmanikim thought we should be quiet to be respectful. I thought this was odd, because there were almost no settlers around. This place where we were at, which actually looked like a settlement, was just outside of Ashqelon. But there were not many people there at all. The one bearded guy who looked like a settler lent me his straw hat, which was nice.

In the end, the whole thing was fine. I suppose it's useful to help the settlers get their lives back together, even if they are my firm ideological opponents and I believe they have been hurting Israel for decades. We also got some free plants out of it.

Otzma Leftism Hijacked

Tomorrow, we're off to Ashqelon to set up a greenhouse for the former settlers who have been relocated from Gaza. I must say, when I signed up for Otzma, I thought I would be helping impoverished Israelis, Jews from the periphery or Arabs, not those people, many somewhat well-to-do former Americans, who in my view have been one of the biggest detriments to peace around. But they are people, and they need new homes and I suppose it should be interesting to meet them. We'll see how it goes. I'll let you know soon.

Mystical Jewish Pizza

A bunch of us ventured to a local kabbalah house tonight, enticed by free an offer of free pizza. For free food, I will do just aobut anything: wear a red bracelet, worship Madonna, you name it. Indeed, I secretly hoped that Madonna, aka Esther, was actually funding the pizza we ate. After the pizzza, we listened to a nice, well-intentioned kabbalist deliver the most anti-intellectual talk in the history of western civilization. Ok, I exaggerate. But my brain sort of shuts off when people look for these bizarre coincidences in the Torah to explain everything. When he mentioned "choose your own adventure" books, I was really lost. But it was brief, and painless, and he was so nice and smiley and gave us free pizza that I didn't really mind.

Burger Ranch

Burger Ranch, Israel's kosher fast food restaurant, is not as good as I remember it. I'm going to stick with McDonalds.

Reflection on the internet installation

A Russian man named Constantin installed our internet. He was perfectly kind and pleasant, worked quickly and efficiently and even refused the tip I offered him at the end. Throughout his work, I gave him water and we joked and chatted about his life. He has been in Israel for 7 years, having moved here from St. Petersburg. He came by himself at age 20. He served in the army and now has a wife, here, a Russian woman who came at age 6. He is trained as a computer programmer, but has not been able to get a job here in that field, so is stuck installing internet access for people here in Beer Sheva, as his wife is a student at Ben Gurion University. He jokes that he spekas English "Cmoh Kelev," like a dog, understands everything but can't speak a word. He has family in Toronto, and in Montreal, a sister who speaks French. When his wife is done school, he wants to leave Beersheva, and preferably leave Israel, but it will be difficult for him to get a green card. Why does he want to leave? "Ein Atid Poh," he said, "There is no future here." And he has no attachment at all to the land or culture. For many of the so-called "New Russians," (the most recent wave of immigration) Israel is but a stop-off on their way elsewhere. They know nothing of Judaism or Zionism. I come here a wide-eyed North American Jew, indoctrinated with an idealistic vision of the great state of Israel, the land of milk and honey. But a nation of idealists cannot function and Israel's economy and security must improve to make Constantin think he has a viable home here, whether he cares about Zionism or not.

In Nicaragua, children are being let out of school early to celebrate

In Papua New Guinea, the native people have donned their ritual masks in anticipation. This very instant, the Prime Minister of Sri Lanka is preparing to make a congratulatory phone call. In Cambodia, flags once flown at half-mast now spread across the skies as the people march into the streets to express their adulation. The Russians have arrived, and installed the internet into our suite in the absorption center.

Shooting the trizzer from beyond the green line

We have a little basketball net in our room (cadoor sal = basketball) with a little soft ball. We have a line where we shoot the equivalent of free throws (a named it "the green line" and real shots can be taken only from "beyond the green line." My record is five in a row, Aaron has the room record of 7, though Josh has an unofficial tally of 7 as well, but we've listed it as six with an asterisk. This game may seriously affect our ability to learn Hebrew and I don't think improving your shot in mini-basketball is one of the acceptable Otzma goals. That's a shame.

Atidim - "Avanti Popolo, Avanti popolo, bandiera rosa, bandiera rosa"

Atidim, or futures, is a program to help bright Israeli kids from the "periphery" (not the big cities) go to university and become success stories. They've been introducing this program to us the past two afternoons, and then again tomorrow and the next day. Enough introducing, time to get to work.

Israel, like America, is seeing a growing a gap in rich and poor. The socialist zionist dream is falling by the wayside. The kibbutz movement is dying. Israel gets more high-tech, more advanced, but immigrants from Ethiopia, North Africa and elsewhere continue to struggle. They keep drilling this down our throats. Atidim, a program where we help kids like these (also Bedouin and Druze kids, though not Muslim or Christian Arabs) make it by learning English, is useful, for sure. But how about the fact that people like former Finance Minister Bibi Netanyahu gave up on social democracy? Whatever happened to the Zionism of AD Gordon, David Ben Gurion, and other socialit heroes? I think Israel needs a good dose of the Italian song my mom learned at her socialist youth group: "Avanti popolo, avanti popolo, bandiera rosa, bandiera rosa." (Forward people, the red banner, or something like that).

Nutella and Peanut Butter

Delicious. Just delicious.

Cadoor Regel watching

The soccer match was disappointing, with Israel lucky to draw Switzterland. Mid-match, some nuts came out waving pro-Palestinian slogans (Free Palestine, end apartheid) but I didn't see it cuz I was out getting falafel. Apparently no big deal. The only interesting thing was that the guys we watched with, 21-year old Israeli guys, mostly still in the army, were mostly shirtless, and sometimes pantsless, in their boxer briefs, sittting in one of their apartments. I thought thismade perfect sense. It was air conditioned, but still warm.

Schuna b-ball

Played some b-ball at the local court, in the dark. Very ghetto, or schuna. I couldn't hit shit. I scored one bucket as my team lost 9-2. This was very sad. I was captain of my high school team. Of course, I went to a Canadian Jewish high school, and at 5'11'' was the tallest player on the team. I was one of those all heart and hustle no skill kind of players. An that kind of play is worthless when you are 6 years removed from your "prime." Dang.

Ulpan with un petit peu de sauce

The first day of ulpan was yesterday. It was ok, a feeler out sort of day. But today's ulpan was better, as I was placed in a slightly more advanced class with a bunch of recent immigrants from France. The greatest moment came when we learnt the word "Seecooy" meaning "chance." One of the French kids said he wanted to be Prime Minister of Israel, and the teacher asked him, "Do you think you have a chance? or "Ha-eem ata choshev sheyesh lecha seecooy?" What I didn't know was that in French slang, couilles (with a silent s) means balls, as in testicles. The "see" could be six, (silent x) French for 6. Thus, "seecooy" became "six couilles" or six balls. The question then became, do you think you have six balls? This set the whole group of French people laughing hysterically. And I will never forget the word, so the whole project was a success.

Schwarma three, but Falafel ascendant

Had my third schwarma, again at Falafel Hagesher, right near the absorption center. 17 shekels, discounted from 19. Unfortunately, with the discount, falafel costs 9 instead of 10, which is a tremendous bargain. And I think the falafel is slightly better at this establishment than schwarma. Which is why I've already had at least 4 falafels. I can't exactly rememmber. So the falafel count is unofficial, whereas the schwarma count is official. Bt it will be interesting to see how the year pans out. This is all very exciting.

"The Schuna" aka "The Ghetto"

I stayed in the ghetto in Tel Aviv the other night. An area in the south of town called Florentine, where all the illegal immigrants live. It's a stark contrast from the swanky beachside bars. But it's pretty hip and we had a great time staying there. And though the buildings were run down and the streets were empty, it did not feel unsafe.

Big Game Tonight

Israel vs Switzerland, world cup qualifying. 6:30 pm, Israel time, from Basel, Switzerland. I'm in Ra'ananah now, a beautiful Tel Aviv suburb, at my friend Dan's house. Deciding where to watch it now. But you should all check it out, if you can.

Why the State was formed

Forget Zionism for a minute. After spending much of yesterday and today in Tel Aviv, I now understand. We went to the beach in the afternoon. The beach, like the women, was beautiful. The waves were huge, the sun was strong, the water clear, everything perfect. The Arsim were in full form, but so were tons of great people, happy to meet us and talk to us. We took pictures with little children who danced near us. We peed in the mediterannean.

THat night, we eventually returned to the beach, to place which must be the most beaitufl on earth. A hooka bar, on the beach, where you literally sit with yuor toes in the sand, smoke nargila, drink beer, and watch the waves in front of you or the city behind you. All around you flurescent cones provide a lovely green glow. They say it's a tourist trap. If that's the case, trap away, my friend. Trap a-fucking way. I don't care if people say it's hokey, or artificial or bourgeois or tacky or anything else. Cuz I'm coming back there. When they won the war in 1948, they didn't only win for Zionism, or for Jewish continuity. They won so that we could enjoy this place.

Cab Drivers

In Israel, every cab ride is an adventure. Cab drivers, unlike typical Arsim or other unfriendly Israelis, almost never resort to "The Response" ("Go Fuck Yourself," see earlier post). Instead, they try to scam you with an almost admirable degree of earnestness. "There are three of you, that costs extra... Your bags, also extra... You want air conditioning, that will cost more too." Air conditionig. The man tried to charge us for air conditioning. Then they tell you about their famillies, about how rich you are, anything they can toscrounge every last shekel. They take you on circuitous routes, ask directions when they don't need them, and then beg till the very moment you step out the door. Only then, if you defy them, do you get "The Response."

The Best of the Best

One of the great dilemmas faced by Diaspora Jews encountering obnoxious Israelis is this: On the one hand, these Israelis give the country a very bad reputation. They travel around the world (especially India), they piss people off, they are rude. They hit on women with an almost unparalled degree of sleaze. Indeed, their pursuit of tail is so shameless and relentless that the women on our trip were provided with an organized discussion session (which we men sat through) on how to avoid them and deal with them. On the other hand, these Arsim (as they are called) may very well be the ones who take out Hamas terrorist cells. They are the front line. Those Israelis you want to hate are often the real defenders of the state. This problem remains unresolved. Fortunately, there areplenty of great soldiers who are great people outside the army as well.

"Young man, there's a place you can go"

As we walked through Jerusalem, wading through the mourners of the moved settler's bodies, avoiding polices blockades and bearing the extreme heat of the late afteroon Jerusalem sun, we faltered. The circumstances ennervated us (that's a GRE word). Our hopes flagged. All seemed lost. And then....

Young man, there's a place you can go.
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough.
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

We saw it there, like an oasis. The international chamber music festival was having a function, hosted at the Jerusalem branch of the...

You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal,
You can do what about you feel ...

It is fun to stay at the YMCA. Or at least eat there food. Josh and I reveled in our shamelessness. With a quick "muzika?" to the guard to the copurtyard, we sauntered through the gate, sweaty, backpacked and clearly out of place, to sample the delicious hors d'oeuvres, bourekas, falafel balls, fruits and vegetables, and delicious mango juice. The traveler's code entitles you to acquire free meals at all costs, and indeed, pride and shame our optional in the pursuit of a free meal, and appropriately we had none. Our behaviour conformed to this code precisely. The Village People became our messiahs.

Young man, I was once in your shoes.
I said, I was down and out with the blues.
I felt no man cared if I were alive.
I felt the whole world was so tight ...

That's when someone came up to me,
And said, young man, take a walk up the street.
There's a place there called the y.m.c.a.
They can start you back on your way.

Nobody at the YMCA seemed to mind. Certainly not the Israeli wait staff. The guests, who seemed mostly American, goyish (a few Asians as well) gave us a few curious glances, but nothing more. Of course, had they given us trouble, I would have simply told them that I am, indeed, a member of the YMCA, in Westmount, on Sherbrooke. I worked out there this summer. I don't gave my card on me. But I do know the dance. (Funny how years of Bar Mitzvah's teach you the secret dance to allow entrance in a Christian organization).

With this food, we were able to have enough energy to finish the gorgeous walk to Ramat Eshkol.

"Go Fuck Yourself"

We call it "The Response." You encounter it all the time in this Holiest of lands, like music to your ears. "Go Fuck Yourself," or "Lech Lehizdayen" is the standard response to any inquiry or request you make of someone you do not know in Israel. This isn't always true, and it's seldom in these words, but it's almost always implied. Sometimes you even get it with a smile, as if you should be pleased to be a recipient of this most authnetic cultural experience. I'm almost disappointed wheb we don't get it. It's quite remarkable. I suppose it's not that different from much of Europe: France, Spain and Italy in particular. Customer service is a North American phenomenon. Today, at the bank, Josh and I experienced this when we tried to cash our cheques. One, two, three tellers told us, effectively, to go fuck ourselves. The fourth time was the charm, however, we got it done. As we have been advised, in Israel, "No means maybe, and maybe means yes."

This situation is countered by the incredible generosity that Israelis, if they know you or take a liking to you, are prepared to offer. My father's friends Peter and Ruth are a perfect example, welcoming us in to their homes and providing us with meals, beds, directions, even a key.

Is this the state that Hertzl dreamed of, where you can be told to go fuck yourself one minute and welcomed into a home with open arms in another? I don't know. But I love it here.

The Beersheva Bubble

Only heard about the flood a couple of days ago. We're really in a bubble over there. The whole thing is surreal. Watched CNN this morning. Nuts.

Jerusalem revisisted

So I'm in an Internet cafe in Jerusalem now. After our education day yesterday, which included a visit to the High Court of Justice, we were left off on our own. My buddy Josh and I caught a cab, but only went a few blocks when the driver informed us that he could not go any further, as the roads were blocked because of the massive funeral procession. The bodies, 52 in all, I believe, that had been buried and Gaza were moved to Jerusalem and given a second funeral. There were thousands of people, many in orange garb, marching through the streets. Many were obviously of American origin. It was an incredible sight. Josh and I waded through the crowd and went on a very long walk to Ramat Eshkol, a religious neighborhood where we stayed with an old friend of my father's. We walked alongside the Damascus gate, near but not inside the Arab Quarter of the old city. It was stunning. The Jerusalem stone really makes this city one of the most unique in the world. Finally, Israel seems a little less like summer camp.